12 Ways To Grow Self Confidence And Self-Esteem


12 Ways To Grow Self Confidence And Self-Esteem

I love people who are secure in their identity, yet are not verging on arrogance. Their self belief doesn’t leave a bad taste in the mouth, and carries with it both authority and humility.

Here’s ways to grow self assurance and not need to look to others for approval.

1. Understand Our Strengths
Strengthfinders, Myers Briggs, Belbin and the Enneagram are all great tools for this. It’s vital to get a good handle on where our strengths lie.

2. Understand Our Weaknesses
If we understand our weaknesses, no one can use them against us. Whatsmore we’re happy to have others point them out to us. I think 30 minutes of journalling and asking: ‘Where do I often get things wrong, what would be the criticisms of those who love me or dislike me the most’ would reveal lots’.

3. Have Clarity About What We’re Called To Be
Easier said, harder done. Once we have weighed up and discovered over time what we’re called to be, it’s good to hold it in open hands. It is also important to treasure and protect it from those that criticise easily without spending the time to understand us. Once you have vision hold on to it- it’s easy to be thrown around constantly by the opinions of others.

4. Set A Strategy, Clear Goals And Steps To Achieve Your Goals
This gives us the inner direction and compass to ensure that we’re moving towards our end goal. If we fail to plan than we plan to fail. We can be busy fools but unless we move in the right direction, we’re going to find ourselves doubting, when we don’t see the quick success we set out for. We reach out to others when we doubt. Although that support can be invaluable, to have a clear focus, helps us be more robust and disciplined when we need to draw on our own strength alone.

5. Serve Others
When our lives are all about us, it is very easy to lose the breadth of what it means to live. Serving others gives us the momentum, focus and softness of heart to see what’s important. We throw a lot of lies at ourselves. Sometimes, I see people who are ‘butt clunched and constipated’ on their root to success. Everything rests around their diaries, their schedules, their goals. And although they are very focused and don’t need the approval of others, they also don’t have many friends.

6. Be Accountable
There’s a difference between not needing the approval of others, and working as team with those that love us. Lone rangers who are caught up in themselves may not ‘need’ others, but equally they are less likely to get to their destination. Without the humility to receive the treasure from others around them, there can be trouble. They may get to the destination, but they may also leave a trial of devastation in the process. It may be subtle, but too many highly successful people have success in some areas, but aren’t successful in other areas.

7. Speak Truth Over Yourself
The tongue is powerful. We can wound or build up others with it. We can do the same to ourselves. I have a series of affirmations I speak over myself and listen to on a regular basis to remind myself of who I am. It’s not the ‘If I say it, then it will happen stuff’ as I think this direction can lead into a level of selfishness and self centredness that can be toxic. But I do think having a positive mental attitude is essential. Words that bring hope, faith and belief change mindsets. I speak truth over what I desire in my character, my heart and visualise what success looks like. But I also leave enough room to allow humility to do it’s work. Life’s not all about me, and to make myself the centre of it is a dangerous thing.

8. Get Healed
Often we look to others for approval in areas of our lives where we feel insecure, broken or hurt. ‘Tell me I’m beautiful, tell me I’m doing a good job, tell me I’m talented, tell me I’m a genius.’
As lovely as it is to get encouragement, unfortunately, the reality is that in leadership, you don’t get it in generous helpings. We have to be careful our actions or decisions don’t come from a need for approval or from a place of brokenness. I remember making lots of poor decisions in business to have people like me. It doesn’t work! What actions or decisions do you make from a place of brokenness?

9. Resist Vanity Exercises
This is different for everyone. We may say something to impress, dress up to get lingering looks, work really late to get a well done. None of these in themselves are bad, but when our self esteem gets wrapped up in these areas, it’s a slippery slope. We should do a good job because it’s right to do a good job. It’s great to receive compliments and great if people are pleased. Can we cope if we don’t get the same level of praise each time. I think our relationship with Facebook Statuses is an obvious example. There’s a pressure people feel to get the ‘likes’ or a certain number of ‘comments.’ How much do you feel elated or deflated dependent on the reaction you get? (Oh and by the way, please can you like, retweet, or G+ this. And make you sure you leave a comment below!!).

10. Look At Your Relationships
Who are you trying to impress? What ‘power’ do you think they have over you? Try and come out from an unhealthy need for approval, and focus instead on doing things well. Normally if we show needs for approval it doesn’t just happen with one individual- these characteristic traits can be there in other relationships. Sometimes doing an audit of our relationships helps assess what unhealthy patterns we engage in. It can help us take stock and spot actions that have become unhealthy habits. There are good little indicators to spot: the little white lies, sense of fear, not being ourselves or a dormant resentment. Yes, it may cost you your promotion, or your contract, or a storming period in a relationship, but long term results and good behaviour speak more for themselves then buttering people up.

11. Skill Up
Often we look for people’s approval in areas where we lack confidence but where we’d like to be good. When we skill up, we grow our own inner confidence, and don’t need others flattery. We simply know if we’re good and competent in an area.

12. Speak Truthfully About Your Achievements
Us Brits tend to play down our achievements. We don’t want to be seen as being arrogant, proud or cocky. But it’s healthy to be honest and upfront about what we have done. Our identity isn’t wrapped up in that, but at the same time, it helps us focus on our positive traits as opposed to focus on what we’re not doing well in. Too many people are down on themselves, and it keeps them stuck in a rut. People like to be around other people who are confident, upbeat and going places.

Are you an energy drainer or an energy giver? Are you surviving or thriving?

Right it’s over to you now. What ways do you try look for others approval? How have you gone about changing this? What others ways do you go about developing self confidence?


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