Why Do Men Find It Hard To Do Friendship?


Recently I’ve been thinking about the challenges in friendship. Male friendship. Of the non sexual variety.

You see I’m 36. Married. With a kid and a new baby on the way. And I live in London.

I’m surrounded by high achievers, professionals and those who want to make their mark on society. They’re driven, they’re focused and they’re ambitious.

Yet many whisper over a quiet coffee that they lack good friends and feel pretty lonely. They’re stretched in too many directions.

Plenty of contacts in their iPhones.
Tonnes of email addresses.
Plenty of ‘Facebook’ friends.

Friends they don’t need to pretend to.
Friends they can share their insecurities with, even if it makes them look insecure.
Friends they can share concerns about ‘the dangerous flirtation at work.’
Friends who understand their drive to succeed, yet have permission to slap them round the head when they’ve got their head up their own arse.
Friends who feel able to call them up at 2am saying they’re stuck and need help.
Friends THEY could call up at 2am saying they’re stuck and need help.
Friends who they’re able to express their loneliness with, without being labelled a manic depressive.
Friends who would still be their friends if they were a manic depressive.

Most of the time it doesn’t matter.
Busy, busy, busy.
Looking good, looking sharp, needing to be successful.
Successful, successful, successful.

But sometimes; we become aware of it. We wish we had something more.

I’ve been blessed with great friends; guys I’ve journeyed with from school and uni through my twenties and onwards. Friendship was easy then because we had loads of time to share life’s highs and lows. We’d laugh. We’d mess about. We’d explore ideas. We’d do sport. We’d go out together. We’d fall out. We’d make up. We’d explore ‘inner’ manly emotions. We’d weep over ‘Stand By Me’ saying that would never happen to us……. (or maybe that was just me).

Point is… we worked hard at friendship, because that was highly important to us then. Actually, it didn’t even feel like hard work. It was just life. And life allowed for it.

But now?

You see I’m 36. Married. With a kid and a new baby on the way. And I live in London.

That’s my label.
I have less time now. I’m driven. Sometimes way too driven. On the ‘success’ gravy train.

And I make excuses.

How about you?

For many, friendship priorities fall down the list. Along with many others; success becomes more important as everyone becomes so busy.
Busy meeting people.
Busy tweeting people.
Busy ‘liking’ people.
Busy achieving.

But to what end?

To what purpose?

To what level of contentment?

Surely friendship is one of those precious gifts in life that’s worth prioritising? Surely it’s a success that’s needs celebrating? Surely it’s an indicator of contentment that far surpasses a lot of the other things we put so much value on?

Can we choose to establish and maintain depth in friendships? It’s going to take time if we do…

It may ‘slow us down’ and mean from one week to the next that we’re not ‘achieving’ what we want to; whatever that’s supposed to mean.

I’ve decided that nothing is going to stop me from investing in those friendships I’ve journeyed with all my life. There will be seasons along the way, but I’ll hold these people close to my heart. Nothing is going to stop me from meeting the precious people I encounter each day, who are part of my tribe, who I hope to encourage and who encourage me. I’ve tasted how good friendship is, and I know it’s one of the most precious gifts and privileges in life.

How about you?

Want to give your friendships a bit more intentionality?
Need to push the love up a notch?

Those questions are the easy part; the harder question is how?

And that’s where I need your help?

How do you do friendship?

Please leave a comment below…

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